I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
