hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
