It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
