Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
