We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
