thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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