can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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