It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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