Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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