so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
