"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I party with great urgency now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
