I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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