No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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