Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
