And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
