how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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