I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
