I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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