I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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