I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
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He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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