So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
