I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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