remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
