i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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