i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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