so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.