so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.