Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.