dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.