I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.