New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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