Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
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I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now