My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful