Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.

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  (616): He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it. http://tfl.nu/cs3e
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (569)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck

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  (732): no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck http://tfl.nu/y61e
  Replies (35) Good night (1092) Bad night (6294)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.

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  (440): Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan. http://tfl.nu/6sdz
  Replies (8) Good night (3508) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway

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  (586): you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway http://tfl.nu/bm2x
  Replies (32) Good night (3622) Bad night (1757)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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  (251): As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic" http://tfl.nu/evdo
  Replies (17) Good night (4670) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic

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  (218): we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic http://tfl.nu/my08
  Replies (6) Good night (3009) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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  (925): I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing?? http://tfl.nu/da8e
  Replies (14) Good night (3753) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

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  (859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j
  Replies (6) Good night (3158) Bad night (876)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (1987) Bad night (1091)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.

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  (704): Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma. http://tfl.nu/71da
  Replies (6) Good night (1382) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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  (301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox
  Replies (4) Good night (654) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.

  (818): View more from California

  Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.

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  (818): Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history. (818): Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night. http://tfl.nu/hwf0
  Replies (6) Good night (343) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.

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  (217): The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin. http://tfl.nu/o68d
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us

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  (305): I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us http://tfl.nu/syu0
  Replies (3) Good night (350) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right

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  (+44): Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right http://tfl.nu/y3am
  Replies (2) Good night (369) Bad night (255)

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