pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.