my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize
