Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
