I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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