I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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