Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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