Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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