Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
