Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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