Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
