I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
