Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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