He is such a slut. More and more my type.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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