They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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