she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
