Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
