It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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