Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm passing your future prison.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
