My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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