New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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