Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
