Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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