i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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