We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
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