I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
