How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
