I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
