i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
