Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
