i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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