Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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