I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
