This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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