ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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