I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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