6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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