I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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