What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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