Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
