Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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