she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
