feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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