Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
