This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
