I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
