I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Farmville is her only friend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
