Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
