Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
