fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
