I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
