Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
