I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
