Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
