I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
